If you don’t know where to start, start by being useful.
“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.
It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity
to a worthy purpose.”
- Helen Keller
If you feel stuck, if your daily practises, outlook and relationships, both with others and yourself, are not sustaining you, if you feel a sense of frustration and unfulfillment, if you know you’re capable of achieving more for yourself, but don’t know where to begin, start with this essay.
Most people get paralysed when they think about changing their life. They spend hours lying in bed at night, planning, wishing, longing for change, trying to find a level of clarity before they act. Mapping out a big vision. A plan. A starting point.
The reality is that clarity rarely comes first. It comes after action. And the fastest way to adopt change, when you’re feeling lost, feeling stuck, or feeling unsure, is simple.
Be of service to someone else.
Twelve months ago I was waiting for that surge of inspiration that would make the next step obvious.
So I started a podcast, and called it Male Mind Matters. The premise of which was simple, I wanted to try and help my fellow man. I was aware of the male loneliness epidemic and mental health crisis, among men, and had experienced first hand the destructive nature of keeping one’s thoughts to one’s self. So I started recording my little podcast, with the view to encourage men to have vulnerable, open dialogue with each other.
I didn’t put hours of thought into the premise, the structure, the guests, or whether I could even do it. I just did it.
“Waiting for clarity” is just a sophisticated form of procrastination.
You tell yourself you’re being patient, reflective, methodical, but really, you’re just scared. Scared of making the wrong move. Scared of wasting time. And, looking back in my case, scared of looking stupid.
So you do what most people do; you do nothing.
You hover in limbo.
You keep refining a plan you’ll never execute.
You “get ready” to start, instead of starting.
This is where being-of-service becomes the antidote.
When you stop obsessing about yourself and focus on being useful to someone else, the fog starts to lift. You get straight out of your head and back into reality. You stop analysing your purpose and start embodying it, even in small ways.
When life feels off track, our instinct is to turn inward.
Fix ourselves. Heal ourselves. Find ourselves.
The problem with that is, most people mistake self-focus for self-awareness. The more you turn inward, the more you stay stuck in a loop of noticing, and aiming to fix, what’s wrong with you. The more you analyse, the more stuck you become. Your mind becomes a hall of mirrors, every reflection feeding another.
Service breaks that loop.
When you help someone else, even in the smallest way, you remind yourself that you exist beyond your own thoughts. That you can affect the world directly. That you have value to offer, even if your own life isn’t perfectly in order.
And you start seeing proof of your actual, tangible capability…
Purpose is an interesting one.
By definition it is your personally-derived, authentic set of life aims that guide your behavior, and pull you into the future, whilst also giving meaning to your life.
People overcomplicate purpose. They treat it like a hidden door they have to find, through journaling or psychedelics or another over-priced online course.
But purpose isn’t a grand revelation, it's usefulness.
It’s the satisfaction of improving something beyond your immediate reach.
When you start being useful to others, you start finding direction without trying to.
You notice what energises you.
You notice what drains you.
You notice what feels natural.
I’m doing it right now, writing this essay.
The reason for this is simple; service creates immediate internal, and external feedback.
When you act with generosity, the world gives you information. You feel what lands. What helps. What sticks. Each small act of service becomes a signal pointing towards what matters.
It’s the opposite of overthinking. It’s doing as a form of discovery.
It’s ironic, really. Most of us want to build a better life so that we can help people later. “Once I’m rich, or stable, or successful - then I’ll give back.”
But it doesn’t work that way. Helping people is the thing that changes you. It forces discipline, awareness, humility and when you’re helping someone, you listen differently. You think more clearly. You instinctively drop your ego. You focus on what’s needed, not what’s missing.
That mindset bleeds into everything else. You start approaching your work, your health, your relationships from a place of contribution, not comparison. Constantly asking yourself “Is this helpful?”
Self-improvement that starts with service is grounded in something larger than your feelings. You wouldn’t skip the gym if someone’s counting on you to show up. You don’t coast through work if it means letting someone else down. Service gives effort gravity.
And we underestimate how much structure comes from responsibility.
Responsibility is a very powerful form of scaffolding.
It keeps you upright when you’d otherwise collapse into apathy. And when your life lacks clear direction, service isdirection. It’s a way to build momentum without needing a perfect map.
You don’t need a ten-year plan. You need one small act of usefulness to get you moving.
From there, the world starts to open up. Someone you helped connects you to someone else. You get asked for advice. You build a reputation as someone of value. You realise your experience has value. You start to see patterns forming. That’s where the clarity comes from.
Not thinking.
Doing.
Forget external validation, self-respect doesn’t come from being admired. It comes from being useful. And it’s addictive as fuck.
The moments I’ve been proudest of in my life aren’t the ones where I’ve been applauded. They’re the ones where I’ve made something better for someone else.
The cleanest form of pride is silent usefulness.
And it’s available to you, right now.
You don’t need to fix your entire life first.
You don't need to have a business plan.
You don't need to chase clarity.
You don’t need to wait until you’re ready.
You just need to get out of your own way and start serving.
Protocol
Audit your circles. Who in your life could use your help right now? A phone call. An introduction. An hour of your time.
Pick one act of service a day. Keep it small. Reply to a message. Share a resource. Listen properly to someone. Do it without expectation.
Notice the feedback loop. Pay attention to how service shifts your energy. You’ll feel less stuck, less self-absorbed, more alive.
Let service inform identity. Instead of asking, Who do I want to be?, ask, Who am I useful to? Often, the answer reveals the direction you were searching for. Move forward from there.
When you don’t know where to start, start with service.
Because helping someone else is the fastest way to remember who you are.
And more often than not, that’s all the clarity you needed.
Take care
- James
